Suspiciously Specific Denial: The entire lyric of "I'm Not in Love".
posted by anonymous on Nov 26th, 2006 at 11:21pm
I think the song is just about being in love with someone but not wanting to admit it to them or to yourself, or trying to convince yourself that you don't love them because the other person might make too big a deal out of it, and you're trying to convince yourself that it's less of a big deal than it really is. For example, I think the boy in the song wants to keep her picture so he can look at it all the time, but he uses the excuse that he's just using it to hide "a nasty stain". Everything he's telling his girl makes me think he really is in love with her, but doesn't want her to know so he's covering up everything with excuses.
posted by anonymous on Apr 22nd, 2011 at 4:01pm
I think this guy is in LOVE, but he's fighting with himself to admit that.
As simple as that.
...big boys don't cry (a macho cries inside)
posted by anonymous on Mar 21st, 2013 at 3:09pm
I feel it's a denial of his love. Hurt feelings can cause fear. He's in love, but fears what could happen, so he states, "I'm not in LOVE". He is in LOVE!!!!!!
A very beautiful emotional song with so much pain.
I've experienced so much pain from my first love, many decades ago, and caused lack of trust and fear to be in love !!!!! I've tasted the emotion so very much !!!!!
Love is so beautiful. Why do some people hurt the ones they love ??????
posted by anonymous on Aug 27th, at 8:05amreport
I agree with the one posting of a gay affair. This was the 70's and the lifestyles were not as open as today. In totality, it could also be of a man (male singer) who couldn't commit, but certain lyrics suggest otherwise. My opinion...
"It's just a silly phase I'm going through
"I'd like to see you
But then again
It doesn't mean you mean that much to me"
"Don't make a fuss
Don't tell your friends about the two of us"
"Be quiet, big boys don't cry"
"Ooh, you'll wait a long time for me"
posted by anonymous on Aug 13th, at 8:30am
I listened to this song so many times as a teenager I was in love with someone but didn't want to let go of my I dependence I behaved exactly how this song has been written and missed out on a love that. Could have been.
I like to see you but then again it doesn't mean you mean that much to me.
Don't tell your friends about the two of us.
Just a silly phase I'm Going through....
posted by anonymous on Jun 16th, 2020 at 6:34pm
Eric Stewart wrote this and his meanings behind it are well known, however, I don’t recognize my own feeling about what the words say. Tarantino has various question mark episodes in his films that he will not clear-up for the curious.
His reason his sound in that he says that explanations take away from the audience being able to use their senses to find their own answers. For instance in the pawn shop scene in Pulp Fiction the two good ole boys speak about Russell’s room. Who is Russell?
I’m not in love lays bare how we selfishly go through life showing little affection or care for so many people we deal with in our lives.
Drop dead in front of them and you are soon forgotten.
posted by anonymous on Jun 9th, 2020 at 6:52am
I thought he/she is love but, what about "You'll wait a long time for me"? ...that sounds dishonest.
posted by anonymous on May 16th, 2020 at 5:48pm
His great love is dead, and this is the only way he can begin to let her go. The background music and vocals are so haunting, like his love for her still haunts him.
posted by anonymous on Mar 14th, 2019 at 3:09pm
The song is simple and to the point. This is about a man and a woman, she loves him deeply but he doesn't share that same love for her and he is telling her not to fall in love with him.
The first verse is saying it all. "I'm not in love so don't forget it. It's just a silly phase I'm going through" He enjoys her company and everything about her but doesn't love her and he is trying not to break her heart so he is telling her the truth about everything so she will understand that he is not in love, despite all she may see or think.
Part 2 starts "I like to see you, but then again. That doesn't mean, you mean that much to me" If a person is in love with another these words would NEVER come out of their mouths.
The chores say "Big boys don't cry"
Everyone will still get hurt but he won't cry because he wasn't in love with her, to begin with.
That's my take on the song.
posted by anonymous on Jan 11th, 2019 at 1:21pmreport
I think the song is about a guy with social anxiety who's in love with a girl, but he's saying he's not so that he wouldn't have to worry about rejection as he's dealing with an inner conflict within himself to tell the truth while he has his mother's voice saying "Be quiet, big boys don't cry, big boys don't cry, big boys don't,...," telling him to be confident in life.
posted by anonymous on Oct 13th, 2018 at 10:40am
He is in love but very afraid of his feelings
posted by anonymous on Apr 8th, 2018 4:02amreport
This song is about sacrificing your own happiness for the person you love. He is deeply in love with this girl, but for whatever reason, he knows deep down that it will not work. Maybe he knows that he can not give her the life she deserves and he is setting her free so that she can find someone more deserving of her. This is the essence of this song. He is putting her future happiness above his own. The girl in the song seems to believe that they can make things work, so the guy is being very cold towards her. He tells her that it is just a silly phase he is going through....he keeps telling her he is not in love with her, and yet at the same time his heart is breaking.....big boys don't cry, be quiet, big boys don't cry. This is why this song remains a classic. It is so different from the usual love songs which often speak of lovers who refuse to let go of each other even when perhaps they should. The guy in this song is doing what is actually the highest form of love......he is prepared to suffer pain and heartbreak to make sure that this girl can walk away from him and find a better life than he is able to giver her. A truly beautiful song.
posted by anonymous on Dec 7th, 2017 at 12:48am
Not one time in the song did they use the words she or her. You are assuming it's about a woman. Think about this while you listen to it... A man has a homosexual affair and doesn't want to be found out. Look at the origin of the bands name.
posted by anonymous on Nov 26th, 2017 at 11:00pm
He is so so much in love with her that it hurts him inside. He knows she loves him too but maybe not on same level. It's so much a song of denial. He wants to love her so much but is afraid to scare her away.
Awesome song.!!!
posted by anonymous on Nov 9th, 2017 at 11:27am
Stewart came up with the idea for the song after his wife, to whom he had been married for eight years at that point, asked him why he didn't say "I love you" more often to her. Stewart said, "I had this crazy idea in my mind that repeating those words would somehow degrade the meaning, so I told her, 'Well, if I say every day "I love you, darling, I love you, blah, blah, blah", it's not gonna mean anything eventually'. That statement led me to try to figure out another way of saying it, and the result was that I chose to say 'I'm not in love with you', while subtly giving all the reasons throughout the song why I could never let go of this relationship." - from wikipedia website
- Sleepy Interpreter
posted by anonymous on Nov 9th, 2017 at 11:18am
The tone of his voice is of him sulking and being love sick from this love-he has lost her and he can't admit how much because she has already gone. But he keeps her picture on the wall...
posted by anonymous on Apr 25th, 2017 at 4:07pm
He loves her so very much but he knows she is going to hurt him so badly she is the love of his life and always will be.
posted by anonymous on Apr 22nd, 2015 at 4:24pm
Here’s my take I think the boy is probably has a ‘mummy’s boy complex’ he is emotionally underdeveloped -he’s fallen for this girl at school, and is a little bit platonic with her, but doesn’t want to take things any further – the “big boys don’t cry” chorus is reflective of his mum comforting him, because he’s leaked things out to his mum, and he can’t let the girl know he’s terribly shy.
Do you know what this reminds some people of?
Suspiciously Specific Denial from tvtropes.com
Sandurz: No, sir! I didn't see you playing with your dolls again!
Certainly no one is describing Suspiciously Specific Denial here, so that people will understand what the trope is about. And this sure isn't an opening gag to preface it. And this surely isn't an unnecessary prolongation of the gag to make it, supposedly, funnier.
A False Reassurance works because the speaker is being vague and non-specific enough to pull the wool over someone's eyes. A Suspiciously Specific Denial, on the other hand, fails because the speaker is Saying Too Much. This may be unintentional, such as when the speaker is panicked, is a Bad Liar, or perhaps just a little stupid. Often used to establish that you're Most Definitely Not a Villain.
Sometimes, this is used more deliberately, such as when the speaker is definitely not trying to give out information that they shouldn't but doesn't want to be too obvious about it (...Or So I Heard may follow). The Trickster may also use it as the misdirecting component of a Batman Gambit, an Infraction Distraction, or Kansas City Shuffle; by making an oddly specific denial that is actually true, the mark may be led to believe that the denial is false. (For example: the mark is told that there aren't 2,300,009 invisible vampire ghosts — so the mark believes there are, when in fact there are no invisible vampire ghosts at all.) In rare cases, the speaker may be telling the truth and have no intent to deceive, but it just comes out wrong.
Oddly, it can happen in two opposite ways: the specific denial ("I won't kill you using a poisoned stiletto!") was a lie (he does, and the fact that the question and/or answer was so specific means that someone already had the answer in mind), or the specific denial was technically true, but it left so many doors open that it was suspect anyway (he kills the other guy with a non-poisoned stiletto, or a gun). Either way, the result is the same - when someone is more specific than they need to be, it's a good sign something's wrong. Bonus suspicion points if the statement was made apropos of nothing.
This is a favored tactic of a Tsundere who got caught being dere — in fact Memetic Mutation has made this the motto of the Tsundere ("Stupid [love interest]! I-it's not like I'm [doing something affectionate] because I like you or anything!")
It's also related to Compliment Fishing, where someone will make a suspiciously specific Self-Deprecation in the hopes that other people will spot the denial and contradict them.
When the speaker is assumed to be telling the truth, a listener might suspect this if the denial was expected to be more general.
When The Mafia uses it, it's the Legitimate Businessmen's Social Club. If you insist that you'd NEVER make a Suspiciously Specific Denial (while doing so), then it's I'll Never Tell You What I'm Telling You!. This is not comparable to Bad Liar; a character who invokes this trope could certainly be a bad liar, but when used alone it's not indicative of Bad Liar.
Characters who are Lawful Stupid (or Oblivious to Love in the case of the Tsundere) may take the statement at face value.
This is frequently seen on Police Procedurals when someone under a confidentiality requirement (lawyers and doctors, mostly) make a very specific inclusion or omission in an answer to the investigators that provides a clue where they should be looking.
It is also a device in mysteries. Someone makes a statement or denial including information that they could only know if they were the perp. "Well, I didn't shoot him!" "No one ever mentioned how he was killed." That may also be related to You Just Told Me. This is the reason why it is also Truth in Television, especially why lawyers frequently advise not to make any reply to any allegation.
A suspiciously specific denial can also be part of a Gilligan Cut (eg, "You'll never get me to wear a pink polka-dotted tutu with a blue sweater and purple high-heels"), Description Cut ("It's not a run-down house with holes in the roof, broken windows, and blood-stains on the kitchen walls"), et cetera.
See also: Could Say It, But....
Super Trope of Have I Mentioned I Am Sexually Active Today? and People's Republic of Tyranny.
Compare Asbestos-Free Cereal, I Never Said It Was Poison, It's for a Book, Nightmare Fuel Station Attendant, ...Or So I Heard, Overly Narrow Superlative, Saying Too Much.
Contrast False Reassurance, Blatant Lies, and Implausible Deniability.
Compare/contrast with Hesitation Equals Dishonesty.
Often accompanies Mock Surprise Reaction.
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